I can only think one thought at one time very intently but finding it hard to think about anything other than that on which I am focusing my attention on intently with.
(Focused ATTENTION) ME @ 1 Hard to DECIDE upon WHICH thought or distraction on which I MUST FOCUS THIS ATTENTION towards. Where to go in my mind ? I feel very indecisive so I just DO and think about that upon which I am focusing attention to. The thought switching part of my mind has been very superbly modified in a rather extremely beneficial way and with only minimal effort to decide when the switch to Time, Priority, Attention to other things outside that which I am doing NOW which is writing these words very attentively.
- Ever stop to think and forget to start again ?
- The ancestor of every action is a thought !
- Achievement is a habit – Cultivate it
Bye for now at 9.33pm Having a small break at 9.34pm because I spent 1 minute trying to decide what to do next and so I am having another to help me to decide what to do next. It seems like I maybe becoming more obsessive as I feel I am obsessing over deciding or switching in which attention node on which to focus my attention so I am now writing them down on a piece of paper so I may one day go back to multi-tasking operation versus single-tasking but with more attentive care as I seem to be thinking further and deeper down to the core of the onion skin layers and seem to be entering the core or source of all thoughts. I love UNDERSTANDING more about THINKING, ATTENTION, FOCUS, MAGNIFICATION or zooming all areas of thought and really observing my thought process. I seem to be in a very meditative mode now. I seem to be experimenting with my thinking and am really enjoying following observing my thought and writing process. I seem to be observing my thoughts like someone who is observing and playing a video game. I understand now for I AM the one who is controlling the body of my other self. I AM MY HIGHER POWER of my body for I AM THOUGHT and thought is unseen, spiritual and not physical. From where does thought come? I am feeling very excited about this discovery. I must continue on this process of analyzing, observing my own thoughts. Do I decide upon which thought to think or is this an external process control by another higher power above this which is inside my higher power. Does my Higher Power have a Higher Power? Who is the HIGHEST Power of Higher Powers? I must now really stop writing to myself as my wrist is getting sore from writing letters to myself here on earth or right where I AM ? Bye For Now. Best Wishes to Me for Being Me.
I LOVE BEING ABLE TO BE MYSELF without having higher powers controlling my higher power or sometimes I do feel lonely as I have no one real or outside myself to focus on when I am writing thoughts about thoughts down on a piece of paper in this manner. OUCH ! I must rest. Goodbye again.
It feels like I am writing to a LONG lost best friend of myself which will be with me forever until my physical body wears out and changes when after I discover all I can about while it exists for thought with no external influences is very tiring. Goodbye at 9:48 pm.
9:50pm I am obsessed with thinking and observing it by writing down my discoveries much in the manner of my true destiny which is to experiment and to discover new things such as this. I love making new discoveries of myself. Getting to KNOW myself. I have discovered a new HOBBY which I can practice at ALL TIMES as I can always observe myself and to be aware of this effect. I think if I can possibly describe this amazing revelation when I go back to rehab please and then to truly know that I do not have to get stoned to be able to be stoned naturally is my most deepest desire. Please may my desire and utmost wish please my higher power always. REMIND me please to always be the OBSERVER of MY THOUGHTS to enable me and my Higher Power (God) please as it is helping me to be able to contact as close as possible the Highest Power possible.
To get closest to my highest power or the core, I must contact or know a higher power than myself which is contained inside of my highest power which is my self. Please understand this please with all my heart and soul and thought.The absolute FOCUSED, AMPLIFIED POWER possible which is my own thought. Please self may it be directed to that which is most important now is deciding upon WHAT TO FOCUS the very illuminated, focused ATTENTION ?
DECISIONS ?
10:08PM Still trying to phone a friend but still engaged. I may go onto the internet now to make decisions even harder to decide. WIDE ANGLE ZOOMED OUT attention is what I NEED to focus on to be able to survive on this planet which is very hard to do now. I must TALK OUTWARDS to somwone else to focus mt attention on other than my own thoughts. What do I call this process?
I'm eatinga chewie to focus this attention out as I am getting FEARFUL of going TOO FAR into the SOURCE. I am afraid of gtting too close to the SOURCE. From where is this FEAR ARISING ? From the world around MY SELF NOW. Only now but the future is creating FEAR in the future and the past is filled with regret and guilt at times for not deciding to think about something outside my body. I must focus outwards to function. I cannot focus too much attention inwards as my outer world will get me.
BOO HOO very frightening this world in which myself is now by choice of me thinking about if is a fear of losing my physical self. But, if I am not afraid of losing my physical self will I be free?
I am not sure as I have never truly lived without fear driving because FEAR IS WHAT KEEPS MY PHYSICAL BODY ALIVE.
Fear of LOSS / DEATH / DESTRUCTION / PAIN I feal is what is making me a slave to my physical self !
.... STILL TO BE COMPLETED ....
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